4 You - Simplifying Complex Situations


1. The Silent Anagram

2. Four Levels Eight Gates

3. Commandment 1 to the power of 10

4. The Price of Free Advice

5. Simple Word Potency

6. Tongue Type Tips

Too often we criticise, complain or speak with arrogance or thoughtlessness out of a habit that literally drains us of positive energy. And, as such habits build into a reaction from repeatedly doing something, most of us are rarely conscious of how we communicate.

With our entrenched habitual need of putting people straight and constant invitations to explain ourselves, it is of course difficult to spend just one day with good intentions; let alone a week.

Yet taking just one day to consciously not be defensive about our actions or offensive with our criticisms will show how different we can feel.

Imagine applying a daily communication axiom with those people you meet of:

Never defend your actions; never attack another’s.

The amount that we allow ourselves to react to external influences seems proportionate to our need to complain about things or justify ourselves.

Consider how much of your daily communication, for example, is taken up with explaining yourself; or complaining about things or others.

It is too easy to blame our conditioned-blame culture, or the habits we gained first through our formative years at home and school, then learn at work all of which influence our lives. Certainly we are too concerned about how we appear to others and what they will think of us.

A person gives up command, for example, by inventing the self-image of being a desirable or important person, allowing others control through flattery or sycophancy. Which raises the question: what can others control if a person is comfortable in just being themselves?

For the simple truth is:

We communicate more by what we don’t say.

Though more is communicated in silence than in words most of us find it hard to remain silent. And most of us never listen properly to others, feigning attention whilst we compile what we want to say.

As everyone at some time or another has felt either guilty or been blamed for not listening or just not remaining silent it is useful to have a simple powerful truth to guide us:

The words SILENT and LISTEN
are both anagrams of each other;
because they always work as a team.

When we really listen we must be silent, even if we have to wait to consider a reply. Without being silent we cannot hear ourselves think, let alone be able to listen to what others are saying.

In meeting another for the first time we communicate more about ourselves in the moment before we speak, than in the ten moments that follow.

The only variable factor is whether the person we are meeting is tuned in to what is really being communicated.

Meaning is found in people not words. What is communicated in the moment before we speak? Trust, confidence, sincerity and compassion; or distrust, nervousness, insincerity or thoughtlessness.

When there is trust and confidence we can almost communicate without words. When trust is lacking, communication is exhausting and ineffective. Trust and confidence need to be communicated first; because people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Self-trust is the heart of trust towards others; the very basis of effective communication. 

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